I am writing you from much colder Oneonta than earlier today. The show today was really cool, sorry we couldn't be there too.

Stumbling out of our van (stumbling is an underestimation) I was pumped for the show, because if there's anything to get pumped for, its the show. Right, motherfucker? Right.

So we get outside and the van won't start. Turn the key. Chug chug click. Turn the key. Click.
METHODS OF FIXING:
1) Asking a few kind people for a jump. nope.
2) Opening the hood. that solved nothing.
3) Calling Baltrus. Joe's dad. VALENTINO. Triple A. They said they would be there in an hour. Thanks.
4) Trying to find the problem.
a) Sliding under the van and hitting the starter with the hammer. At some point we decided it was the starter that was wrong.
b) Sliding under the van and hitting the starter with the hammer even harder.
c) Joey sliding under the van and hitting the starter because Mike is a pussy.
d) Hitting everything with a hammer.
5) Bypassing the starter by trying to hotwire the car.
6) Running into the back of the van as fast as possible hoping that the van will start moving.
7) Turning the key.
8) Hitting the roof like the Fonz.

None of that worked. We called AAA back after all of our failed attempts. It turns out they weren't sending a tow truck. They just figured we would fix it. Why would call and ask for a tow truck if we didn't want a tow truck? Apparently they have a new reverse logic at AAA where yes means no and straight means John DeDomenici. So we finally got in touch with them and they said it'd be a little bit before we would get a tow truck down there.

"GOOD" WAYS TO PASS THE TIME WHEN AT A HESS STATION FOR 2 AND A HALF HOURS.
- Eat every hot dog in the gas station. Then buy a 10 pack of hot dogs and put them on the grill.
- Suggest we all buy 40 ozs of Milwaukee's Best, drink them quickly, and beat the shit out of each other.
- Suggest we go shot for shot in the teeth with a hammer.
- Hitting everything with your only tool, a hammer.
- Trying all kinds of beef jerky.
- Finding how much money you can earn by masturbating into a cup in the public bathroom.

After all these ideas, we were bored. AAA called us up and said "we can only take two of you out of here". We said "that's great, we're two people."
(hidden secret: we had six people)
SOLUTION! Joey suggested that he, John, Joe and Mike hide in the back of the van under the blankets and equipment as it is risen onto the flatbed and driven roughly 50 miles to Oneonta on the back of a tow truck. Mike gets the winner award for sitting in the very back, in a small ball in between all the equipment. They were not allowed to move. Tada! We're two people. Me and Dave.
BUMMER! I shut the windows for some reason and everyone claims they almost got carbon monoxide poisoning. I claim I almost got creepy poisoning from sitting next to a salivated sleeping Dave and a 50 year old father of three telling me how cool the Rolling Stones are these days.

We left our van somewhere with a note on it asking them to please not tow us. What a tour. What a show. Too bad we didn't make it. Till next time!
piss off.

Hey, fellas. We have arrived in SUNNY Oneonta to pick up our bass player, John, for the evening. One night stand. And I said SUNNY, not SUNY. That's right. Its fuckin' WARM. ITS NOT FREEEEEEEZING.

So last night was mad cool. It is a lot of fun when you meet strangers one night and the next morning their mom is making you pancakes while you're staggering around trying not to vomit and you become best friends with people you never met before. Pretty cool.

Joey said he'd pay Dave $700 if he hit a deer. Dave didn't hit a deer.

Unspeakable things happened last night. I woke up and I had no hair. Party on, time to go to Syracuse.
piss off.

Whats up friends? We're not friends? Fine. Fuck you.

So we just got done with our CONNECTICUT show. Chris Baltrus once told me how to spell CONNECTICUT correctly. You write "Connect" then you write "I" then you write "Cut". It is quite simple. I'm not really quite sure where I am, but I know its in a house, there is a dog barking and Jessica, Lindsay and Liza are making pasta for Joe. Joe Werfelman. These kind people were kind enough to let us stay at their kind house and they said I could even grab a shower. How kind.

Today started off in typical ASOB fashion, two hours late. Up until a couple of minutes before the show I thought I would be playing the bass guitar. Then out of the blue, Bove (y'know, the bass player, who should be PLAYING BASS) said that he could come. So we took a car and a van up to the Empress Ballroom in Danbury? I think its Danbury. I have no idea where I am.

Instead of saying everything sucked, which it did (everything sucked) I will reflect on the positive moments of the day. We show up at the venue and there are like around 100 kids there. We're thinking, hey this is gonna be a kick ass show. Then everyone left after the local bands (the two opening acts) played. The snare drum in the venue could probably be heard over two children getting murdered by their parents very loudly (but not loudlier than the snare drum). It was good to see our friends in Treephort again, and they actually listened to us when we said "PLEASE DO NOT PUKE ON THE STAGE." They puked in a bucket. In front of the stage. There was a good number of cool people there with punk rock pins and fun hair while we played (well, it wasn't a good number. it was definitely an okay number. so-so) and after a couple of songs it seemed to work. It was the most confusing show ever. Picture these three items:
1) A stage that is literally ten feet off the ground so you cannot quite see the audience.
2) A ceiling that is higher than JT.
3) No ability to hear ourselves on stage.
Besides these three things, I guess the show went kind of well. We made some fans, made some friends and now we're crashing at a house. Maybe this tour journal wasn't a good idea. I read something about Black Flag in the van. Henry Rollins used to sit in the trailer as they were driving to their tour stops because he didn't get along with the van. Isn't that crazy. We all sit in the van. We listened to the new Juliana Theory and it is TERRIBLE GOD AWFUL. It sounds like nu-metal K-Rock crap. And that's about it. Oh yeah, we had people dancing on the stage with us. Now we're at their house. Maybe they'll dance a little later. They can dance while we're sleeping or they can not dance while we're sleeping and lie about it later. I wouldn't know the difference.

Off to the 'Cuse tomorrow. That's right, the 'Cuse motherfuckers.

Hey everyone. Here's the deal. We're going to be touring a lot more in the future, and I figure instead of putting my little bullshit updates on our main page, I'll keep this page for out of state shows so we can be more in depth in our coverage. I know you don't care at all, but I swear, one night you will be totally fucking bored and the next day you will IM me and say "Wow, Jeff, the ASOB site is REALLY COMPREHENSIVE." This has happened with over 30 people who I know personally and I don't know browse my site. So, look forward to posts after shows!